GenX Parents Of Teen-Age Children

You who have teens or preteens: Give a general assessment of the kinds of values you see in your children, their peers and friends. Place it in context with your upbringing, the arc of your own development of moral values; place it in context with some of the messages so prevalent in our society (for example: music, T.V. and film that change the way our young ladied see themselves) and the creative ways you parent through the tough situations. How does your church help? I hope this is a clear enough set of questions, if not, chime in some clarifiers!

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Permalink Reply by Rick Abbott on September 20, 2009 at 9:07pm: Anyone.......anyone.......anyone.....; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Rebecca Woods on September 21, 2009 at 9:15am: I have teens and am on the older edge of Gen X. I think my own teens are more 'thinkers' and 'questioners' than I was, although as a Gen-Xer I questioned a lot. They are less innocent than I was... but (at least the older teens) know something about deconstruction and critique already - I didn't learn those things until college, really. And I'll say this - they are just plain smarter. They know a lot more, period.

The situations teens deal with, though, seem to be much more advanced than when I was growing up. They hold few illusions. That's got its good and bad points. I don't mean they are disillusioned, just that they seem more realistic and don't have the luxury to romanticize adulthood, the future, or the present.

Lately I've been thinking about the effects of video and computer gaming on teens and young adults. Not in the usual way (i.e. asking questions like, do violent video games make them more violent) but in a broader sense. The logic and experience of gaming has been a part of many of their lives since they were young. Getting to play roles, form alliances, make choices and see the consequences, and all the other things that go into different types of gaming - it's just not something that was formative for those of us who grew up on Pac-Man and Space Invaders. I think gamers will have a big advantage in the world of the near future. AND there's a gender gap when it comes to gaming (I don't have a statistic to cite here, just basing this on personal experience, so if I'm wrong, correct me) - seems like fewer girls are gamers and more of the games are male-oriented. If gaming experience does prove to be helpful in the future, that gender gap is going to widen.

How about you, Rick? Others out there?; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Rick Abbott on September 24, 2009 at 10:06am: I hadn't thought about the gaming aspect...we're not gamers. You are right-on the mark with the assessment of what the games could teach...in a more positive light. I'm sad to see how the young men think about young ladies; and many young ladies don't seem to realize that they have been placed in a less than respected place. I have a 13-year old daughter who is the object of MUCH attention from boys. As her dad, and a fairly regular guy, I've helped her to translate the motivations behind the attention. She is far more wise than most young ladies her age, or older.

I have to wonder what they'll be like in 10 years, having been in this economy, watching their parents either struggle, or worry about money, homes, jobs. Will there be some continuity with my age-group? I was 12 in 1982, the last big recession; my dad was in the manufactured home business, lost his job; mom bounced from 1st to second to third shift to keep her job. Money was very scarce...I learned to be creative and self-reliant;and cook from basic foods, shop thriftily...etc.

My daughter is bound to be different, we have not had TV since she was about 4. Has had a wide musical influence and reads up to 3000 pages a week, mostly fiction.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Rebecca Woods on September 24, 2009 at 12:09pm: Yep, I worry about girls too - the images they see, they way they hear women and girls talked about in popular music, movies, etc. Sounds like your daughter is used to not just going along with the dominant culture and is cultivating her own interest - I think that will be a huge advantage for her. (Plus, it sounds like she has a great dad who's looking out for her).

I also wonder what things will be like for our teens in 10 years - the economy, debt (student loans, for one, seem tough to avoid with the rising cost of college). But maybe this recession will have some good effects - teaching kids to appreciate having less, becoming more self-sufficient, making choices that save money, etc - like you did in the early 80s.

My family was not wealthy but looking back, my parents made extremely good decisions about their money. Both of them worked, and we never had fancy cars or things - I waitressed and bought my own clothes and earned my spending money. But, when we went to college, they paid my tuition and housing in full. I never had to incur debt. I still had to work to pay for books and earn any spending money, but looking back, they could have lived a more extravagant lifestyle but instead they saved and invested for important things.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Janice Burns-Watson on October 1, 2009 at 11:18am: Our daughter just turned 13 and I am very proud of the decisions she has made thus far. She was born when my husband and I, who are both clergy, were serving with Global Ministries overseas. Recently she made the decision to start using her Swahili middle name in an effort to reinvent herself as we made a move. She is much more socially conscious than I remember being at her age. Maybe we have been better role models than I sometimes believe. She is toying around with being vegetarian, she is a fanatic about recycling, reducing and reusing. She took it upon herself to learn Spanish a few years ago in response to some racism she saw at school. She befriended a girl who was in her class who is autistic and stood up for her when her other friends didn't want her to eat with them at lunch. The girl stayed with them at lunch for the next two years until we moved. And without any prompting from us, this time, she tithed all of the money she received for her birthday. At least at this point in her life she is still oblivious to fashion and beauty trends and has no desire for a boyfriend. This despite the fact that almost all of her friends have "dated" for a couple of years. She is aware money is tight and will even voice at times that she wants something, but doesn't need it. Although she is tighter with her own money than mom and dad's.

We have always played down TV (right now we have no cable access), but we are film buffs and reading fanatics. So she is addicted to Harry Potter, Twilight and the Simpsons (and she seems none-the-worse for the wear). My husband has had her watch a number of the film classics: Citizen Kane, Casablanca, King Kong etc and discussed how they are refered to in films today. She hates any film that is too violent or doesn't end happily ever after. We have never shyed away from letting her know about world events at an age appropriate level. For example my husband was serving a church in the riot zone when Cincinnati had a crisis in 2001. She saw the police in full riot gear when we went to church on Easter Sunday morning. We had to tell her something and she was only 4. We talked about racism then and how some of the police had made bad decisions but they were still not bad people. We discovered we had not got this point totally across though, when she drew a picture after 9-11 that showed a police officer with a gun, shooting it and knocking down the buildings. This led to a redoubled effort on our part to let her know that almost all police are good people that make mistakes like the rest of us. She is very aware of the current debates about health care and has a very strong opinion about what needs to happen. She is starting to get into music, under her dad's influence. Her favorite bands is Green Day and U2. Both bands with a strong political voice. She was ready and waiting to get her own facebook account, which we opened on her birthday. We moniter it constantly and she mainly uses it to take silly quizes and talk with various family and close friends. I have to admit I have learned things about her since she got this account myself!
Her younger siblings (7 year old boy and 5 year old girl) are very influenced by her. My 5 year old chastized me this spring for pulling up sapplings and not replanting them, because that was bad for the environment. It is our seven year old son who is obsessed with video games, so I too see the gender gap.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Rick Abbott on October 1, 2009 at 8:49pm: I think if we could raise a half-a-billion chidren like Miss Watson, and her siblings...the world would change in 20 years!! For the better.; ▶ Reply to This